2013-06-19

Explicit Consent?

The first hint of brain death is "I am sure of X."

Someone suggested listening for "yes," instead of listening for "no."

It's an interesting situation when partner X says "you should do ABC to me," and partner Y then does it, without asking "should I do ABC to you," - this is really a gender neutral question - how much protocol is too much/too little?
TCP joke: "Can I tell you a joke?"
"Yes, you can tell me a joke."
"Ok, I'm going to tell you a joke."

I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO ARGUE ABOUT THIS WITH CERTAIN THEORISTS!!

In all seriousness however, this segues nicely into case studies of the situation (such as some popular ones in the press these days):
if a woman says "fuck me," and a guy fucks her, and they fall asleep, and he wakes up, and he fucks her, but she's asleep...
aha... commonsense says he should have woken her up and asked, but technically, it's a bit fuzzy. I mean from a purely technical point of view, the protocol was leaky.

[Enter any number of objections.]

The protocol was leaky because no chronological coordinates were specified.

I think it's an open question. But it's always safer to err on the side of certainty. I.e. do nothing if unsure.

Well to be quite clear, there are very very few closed questions where I come from. Haha.

[Enter stonewalling.]

I say:
I take it that you're trolling, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt about whether the question should remain open or closed. Have a nice day!
The discussion began with BlueNothing85's comment (on this comment - I haven't read the article):
"A few years ago I had a guy friend I hadn't seen in a while, so I went out to his place. I flirted, we watched some movies late at night snuggled together, had a few drinks. When it came time to figure out sleeping arrangements, he asked if it was okay if we shared a bed. There was only one blanket, so there we were together for the night.

Nothing happened. I'm not a "me too". But I share it this story because that friend is now my boyfriend. I hadn't explicitly given consent, so he didn't test or cross those boundaries, as attractive as he found me. This is a story where the beginning sounds like "bad judgment" on my part had I been raped. I wasn't. Rape is a choice men make, and I think it's important to remind women that men are in control of what they choose to do, and should be held accountable if they make the wrong choice, regardless of how we acted, dressed, or flirted."
I had a "platonic," friend like BlueNothing85 in college. I think it annoyed her eventually that it didn't get any further than that... which always makes me feel bad about letting people in too close. What's too close, or not?

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