2016-08-12

Yawn 11

Good morning music following sleepless nights. Do all the admin!

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‪#‎firstsevenjobs‬, roughly:
1. Library Assistant (1999)
2. Stair Sweeper
3. Chinese->English Art History Translator
4. Media Services Technician
5. Network Technician
6. Receptionist
7. Space Monitor (2002)

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Back to the fires.

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Wait? Egg hatching is a service? Come I jog for you. 1km RM5. Figure I can make a hundred bucks a day doing this.

Update: 1km RM5, minimum 5 phones, you are responsible for insulating your own phone - it's going in a backpack with a bunch of others.

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All departments on fire. Watering can rotations. Doop dee doo.

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Started writing a paper on whether Trump and you would be trolls, malicious liars, naive liars, or philosophers, if he was either four, and if you issued a particular statement of belief regarding Trump's state-out-of-four-possibilities.

Then I erased the draft and am cutting to the chase: Trump's qualification for either state hinges on two variables, first, what Trump actually believes, second, what Trump wants you to believe when he semantically twists the Truth (Is he Derrida, or Satan? (What if they are the same?!)). Your qualification is likewise, except it is more interesting because yours is meta-noetic (higher order belief, intention).

That's all. It could probably be published. But since I don't really find myself motivated by publication, I suppose it will have to wait till I am motivated by sufficient boredom to write it.

Book advances, anyone?

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Sleep. And that is how I lose her.

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I told a staff to read up on tea, so accordingly, I am reading up on tea.

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I had the power-dominance variety of idiot parenting. But I don't blame them - they didn't know any better.

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Hours (in bed) between meetings, and work.

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A bit of shut eye.
Up for breakfast.
Talk to thong.
Kick finance function along.
Look for fires.
Get more sleep.
Try.
Go for more finance meetings.

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Fire! Wait. Where did it go?!

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I may have an emergency vacancy for a whip. If there's any chance you want to work in management, and can start immediately, let me know. Main requirement: doesn't cry easily, can stay organised, and can communicate shamelessly.

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"You have to like everyone that you work with."
"No, you have to work with people that you have no attraction to."
"Cannot."
"Watch. *turns to seated customers* Everyone, I have an announcement to make. I think you're all boring... but I like doing business with you. *turns back to staff* When you can say that to each other, then you're ready."

[
Indifferent?

I am not indifferent. I see many structures, strengths and weaknesses, but I do not act on all of them. It would not be professional to vivisect in great detail, their minds.

You know, I walk around this world and with regards to reading people, I feel like a fucking Neo. But it isn't my place to mess with things. This is not the Matrix. So I will just try to run small jobs and get through until I die.

Most people are not ready to face the full complexity of themselves, let alone the superficial complications of others... a strange and worrying, but inevitable scene. Daily life.

]

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The smell of fear. Here and there. Houses burning down. Harassment on the street. Furry legs prying open your lips while you sleep. Arrests for tax fraud. Vengeance for not paying bribes. Babies dying in their sleep. Skin on fire. Fingers frozen. Loss of limb and accidental disability. Infamy. Absence of style. Absence of taste. Absence of friendships. Loss of capital invested. Hate for all the things you tried to do. Loss of love. Loss of friendships. Loneliness and solitude. Dying alone. Cars smashed up. Handbags dropped in the loo. Phones fallen into drains. Under-ripe fruit. Imperfect circles. Perpendicular arrangements. Missed trains, career opportunities, youth, wealth, and sexual opportunity. Rejection by mentors and elders. Spirits of old gnawing at your feet. Parasitic worms pulsing in your eyeballs, you can see them. Unlawful enforcers. Unjust laws. Perpetual injustice. Extinction of living species. Hazy vacation spots. Cardiac arrest. Not knowing what finally kills you. Your loved ones in pain, your inability to do anything. I smell these things in you. All over your clothes and in the air you exhale. That is the human condition. We do not work here to escape fear. Only to destroy it.

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Still on standby. All countermeasures primed for key staff attrition. Unrelated meetings scheduled in 50 and 100 minutes. I hate camping. But time is money, so we wait. This is a long and stupid day. :p

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I just want you to be here, beside me, talking.
[Subject matter in short term memory indicates that's a really slow period at work.]


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Suit up. Start farming.

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Remedial work: moving the organisation back to the default position of zero chill.

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I have a pitch book of 1.95 million Ringgit in cafes up for sale. That's not including Sudo. I swear, everyone hates running these shops. LOOLL

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"Can I read this?"
"I don't care."
"He's indifferent to everything."
"I don't care about a magazine, but I the things I do care about... people are unwilling to face..."
LOL

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Time for a run. Short one. SS22, SS20, TTDI, BU, SS22.

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Are we not dead yet? Right, back to accounting.

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The only thing that motivates me at work is a trivial thing. It is the same trivial thing that got me here in the first place. Curiosity. Despite weaknesses of many kinds, I still want to know if we die first, or if we reach the high standards of (1) zero chill, (2) quality at the best prices on the market, and (3) a crew that wears DGAF on their foreheads.

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As always, the people who are asking for other to be fired are also the ones most likely to quit, or be complained about by other people.

Haters are real. You either accept them and work together, work to remove them, or run away.

:)

Stonewalling just postpones the inevitable. Then we start playing terminator... sigh.

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It's nice to have conversant people around about 20% of the time. I wonder if we will ever get to a stage where everyone speaks freely to everyone else, despite being vastly different in personality and culture.

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I should have gone for a run. Now I'm not falling asleep fast enough. So it's all reading profiles on OKCupid, and wondering whether I'm over- or under-challenging myself this year. I still think, I scare too many people. But the mode personality is timid to me. So what can I do but pretend to be timid also? So many questions.

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Priorities today:

1. Get ten hours of sleep before start of business hours on Monday. That means to bed by 10pm? That may mean I need to start running at... 7pm?

2. Accounts. Keep whittling the mess down.

3. General watchfulness. The organisation remains in a sore and tender state.

4. Perform daily rituals to nurture social life, but maintain time allocation to 2.5%. I've probably been underspending all year though, TBH.

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Difficult conversations aren't accidental inconveniences. They are mandatory. As for nauseous thoughts, I don't think we need to turn those into company policy just yet.

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Philistines everywhere. One set of babarians learns how to download libraries and fails to realise that what most of what the libraries do doesn't fall under the domain of coding... which is properly the operation of microelectronics for the automation of information processing in abstract... information pertaining to disciplines they never encountered in school. Another set of fuckwits never learnt that cooking is chemistry, and lives in a bubble where molecular gastronomy and specialty coffee are bastions of innovation. Just kill me now. Hahaha. Haha. I suppose we pick our poisons.

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"I've never fallen in love nor do I see it as a category. I suppose it's hard to elucidate something you've never felt."

"In that case I love you. Because I feel the same way about the word. But perhaps over the years I've used it to mean so many things to different people."

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Time for a run. Hoping for no muggers, car collisions, or Pokemon players.

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Governance is a simple matter. Every land has laws. If you rule the land, you make the laws. If you wish to make the laws, you must depose of the rulers, and then you must rule the land.

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New staff benefit: "The Pokemon of my Pokemon, is my Pokemon." Boss hatches your eggs while running errands. Also I'm doing 10km/day runs. Who needs eggs hatched free of charge?

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If you're used to hanging out with 60-year-olds when you're 19, who do you hang out with when you're 32?
Lol

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Sometimes I ask myself if I'm supposed to have an artistic side-hustle, since after all, that's what's typical of us poor people in low-wage industries. I consider where most of my mental resources are deployed, and conclude that that work is just about the most "artistic" thing I do (it varies from job to job). Everything else I do in my free time is pretty mundane. I engage in art and craft, in curating and watching, in wearing and in exercise, in courtship and in citizenship, only as matters of base compliance with the social contract, or as a matter of staying fit (by ensuring enough cross training of my brain/body). Being boring everywhere ensures that creativity is focused on work. You can define creativity algorithmically - it's just managed evolution. Don't give me any of that snowflake shitzbit.

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So bored. Considered putting on a casual suit for work today... but nah, we're not THAT ready. Everyone would quit.

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Rest. Then more accounting.

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Get up. Get up. Work time. Accounts!

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Courtship rituals: Friendship for me is common interest. Trust is a business matter, so it requires constant supervision: I trust people I grew up with as much as folks I met yesterday - and I am mostly AMA-honest to all of them. And even with that level of openness, most people can't read me: so I make efforts to maximise opportunity.


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6am 10km run SS22-TTDI-BU who's up?

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Day 34 cleaning up after Team5.
Team6.1 not quite mutated into Team7 yet.
woohoo

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At the rate we're training the management team... this place is going to end up like one of those places where career progression is impossible until someone brains the finance function. If we survive.

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Not a bad day. Almost 24-hours up, including a bunch of forensic accounting, a 10k run, training of management team, documentation of brewing techniques, and dinner with a new friend.
Dinner then schleep.

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Run time. Hope it's not yet time to die.

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Someone wiped the whiteboard. Time to design some new content.

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War never changes. People just like to forget that it exists. This accelerates my plan to put up some pictures of human atrocity, at the cafe. You can't argue with bad tastes. That's why I'm mostly a quiet person. :)

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I had been thinking of displaying a set of pictures at my office, about the states of human conditioning which are often not thought about or talked about (for better or for worse) by people in general.

This evening, some sanctimonious comments from a friend about visual comparisons I was making between Omran Daqneesh and another friend, have motivated me to increase the priority of this project.

The source photos here are from the Internet, of course, and they will be modified prior to the final installation.

Loss of limb and general gore has been deemphasised, since you really get those in all kinds of accidents. I think what people should always remember, regardless of the time of day, is that all these things happened intentionally, as a result of hate, fear, what have you, and generally were actuated by strongly intentional people. The existence of such people and the states-of-affairs that they perpetuate must be part of the consciousness of any educated society, its children and adults alike.

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‪#‎myparentsjobs‬
School teacher, pastor, theologian, seminary professor; doctor, counselour, housewife.

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"Lugovoi and Kovtun, however, were rubbish assassins." - This is the world I was raised on, to some degree. War and power, and very little you can do about it as a common citizen. ;)

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Life is a constant spectacle, of the ebullient, the disgusting, and the mundane, or it is nothing at all.

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Today I had the strange but unsurprising experience of watching the population of plebs freak out over photos and videos of a healthy and alert little boy, covered in dust, with some blood on his face. Because perhaps, this ordinary scene lay somewhat outside the purview of their daily imaginations: perhaps they believed the child had an uncommon experience (such experiences are common), or that the child had experienced gruesome damage (alas, many people are damaged inside, but the boy's body was more than mostly intact, his kinesthetics appeared to be in good shape, and he was clearly bathed in the luxury of EMT service and first-world infrastructure - I thought they'd already blown every ambulence in Aleppo to bits, or sold it for sundry, well, what do I know about Aleppo... there's much news to read daily, and I am always interested to know more). What most people don't realise is that they have suddenly taken notice because the boy is cute. Ah, the poor souls, well good job, kid... if this sways global politics towards a better humanitarian solution for the politics of the region, I must say your role in life thus far will have been undeniable poignant. What a cutey.

Alas, people largely remain ignorant of biology (how evolved predispositions affect their daily psyches), and they happily embrace furthermore a daily ignorance of the pain and suffering of others, all the "bottom billion" ers, those in worn-torn or improverished regions of the world, nevermind the ones in apparent privilege who live utterly trashy lives inside their heads... trash that they keep hidden, while gesticulating wildly in public about the apparent trash of other lives. Such is... life, I suppose. Enjoy it for what it is. A circus.

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Get up, get up, work work work!

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Looks like a whole 40-jernghours of accounting to be done over the next week. Crap.

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Staff: "You're like King Midas, except that everything you touch turns to shit."
Me: *poke*

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Facebook when can we have a keyword filter? ‪#‎badminton‬

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Love is the sweat between their skins.

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好撚多accounting

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I listen to my colleagues' social lives and they are so cute. To be excited by concepts in newly met people is a game I have not played in a while.

Often while I am busy working, I lack the flexibility to forget to notice people's bodies in motion, their sensory nervous systems interacting with their surroundings, their conscious and their involuntary information processes... transforming raw sensations into conscious imagery, semantic representations illiciting statistically common trains of thought, interacting with "four-F" signals richocheting through their minds. I forget to forget that people don't see themselves as wetwired meat, that their understandings of themselves lack low-level precision, and that they are mostly locked into their local cultures and high-level personal relationships.

Perhaps that is why I rarely have much to say to dates. Unless we're discussing people at the level of detail which is natural to a student of people... we might as well skip the talking. Other forms of communication seem more direct.

Thoughts to be continued, perhaps after sleep.

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Going to dive into ops tonight. it seems we're not dead yet, but if I don't make it back, tell the finance team we ran out of oxygen. Lol. We're ever on the.brink of imminent collapse, but my given job this evening must consider none of that.

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Can't wait for the Olympics to be over. So bored.

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Too many sheep. Not enough dogs. And a shepherd who is able to watch the flock burn. Reticently, I will tend to everyone, but there are only so many limitations on resources. At some point, fallow is necessary. And all this may simply result in fertilizer. One knows this with every look in their eyes. Such is work. Reticent is not the right descriptor for a transparent operation. Perhaps stoically.

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Starting to find words like "naughty" to describe staff. I wonder if I'm being too nice, or if we'll see another wave of attrition.

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Folks sometimes ask if I care about this, or that at work... not really... no, I mostly don't care when I ask for something to be done, I don't care when I commend someone or when I correct them. I'm just doing my job. I don't take my cares to work for the most part. Maybe I can say that I do once I install those photos of war and death :)

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Suit up bitches, time for more accounting!

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2016-08-09

Here is No Chat

The air is barely cold enough to feel like New England winters. But I remember those because my thoughts are with you. Sleepless nights, trite work, bare bottoms, cool air, no money, warm bodies, smart lip, messy hair, you cry, I tear, we wait, for the sun to come up. For the sun to come up, is a sign that the goodness of our sadness is only going to get farther, and farther, away. Woo hoo.

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Brown hair, Potter's glasses, sweet heart, smiling like there wasn't a care (there wasn't), kitty cats, medication, deep stares, sleepy nation... did you learn much over there? Do you feel less lost, more adjusted, better kept, and doing just the right thing, right there, where they sent you... we need that drink, I want that kiss, we need that talk, the way we felt, back then, was it Seoul, or Ginza?

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Grey dog, who are you...? You knocked, I was thrilled, three years since it happened, and still now, I don't know who you are. I don't know who you are. I only know that you're in control: of clustered thoughts, of urbane strangeness, inner eyes, mirrored glances, no one can see inside. I still don't see inside.

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Starry eyes, sugar gliders, cups of coffee and a forlorn gaze. Silly smile, underweight you said, growing out was the way to be. Fair speech, belief, found a soul who will make you grin? Farewell, hoary speeches, nasi lemak and a thousand ways to leave...

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Punk ass - where's it been? Sultry smoothie she's a hipster slave. Sneakerhead, hair-dyed, once a feeler now less so, she says, she says, but her logic lies.

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2016-08-08

Yawn 10


I am beginning to lose faith in my ability to function efficiently at one third of my preferred daily organisational throughput. Because once daily effects are compounded, projects move at an eight of competitive speeds.

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Ok, can still deadlift the 25kg curl bar. Being grounded in bed for almost a week didn't quite cause irreparable damage to structures in that dimension. Hopefully, less regression, more growth in uptime.

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Let's see how may iterations it'll take to opensource our food and beverage production.

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While I'm glad for everything that DSNY has brought to the growth of Marvel's movies, I'm much happier that DC has made better adult movies since Synder got involved. The comedies and tragedies behave respectively well.

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Reprieve. Briefly. And candles lit for the restless.

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As a services business, our people are the product. Anything else that looks like a product exists merely to deceive the market about the true nature of our business.

So far, we have not often pitched our core product. It is simply not ready for market. We only offer simpler goods: food and beverage, with some freebies. If we succeed in bringing the core product to market before we run out of resources, then the startup's business model will finally have been validated. The startup may fail before this occurs. That is the normal course of startups.

In order to understand how out of whack this is, relative to the next F&B brand builder, consider the following notion: their long-term growth strategy is to franchise a F&B brand to third-party F&B outlet operators. We don't want to do that at all. We are built from the ground up to franchise a services brand to third-party service providers. We want our staff to be our franchisees, as they go about the world building their own business of providing services to other people. (For this to start to make sense, you need to be living in the world of the RM40/hour barista or cook or manager.)

In that other industry, this is called building a platform. You don't want another cab company - you just want comissions from a million unlicensed cab monkeys. Except that you don't really want to deal with monkeys, so you just want to be the high-end of the street. Who's done this before? Oh, no one... just every High Street bank and the better-known management consulting firms on the planet.

Meanwhile, we have not yet achieved our marketable product, so there's nothing to see here. Carry on. Drink more coffee, and try the food, if you will.

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I always remind my staff, that in many cases I want A, but they can have B as long as they do it, because the company is mostly the result of the people that join it, not what I want. However some items are non-negotiable, such as matters of law, and logic: if you want to stay alive, don't make losses. I do not often bother to repeat myself, and I certainly do not care much to change other people's minds. I have my own mind to change, on a daily basis, and that is already a consuming challenge.

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Horror is clarified fear. Fear is simmered wit. Wit is our only reprieve from boredom. Unless you prefer the simper things in life: I'm not sure if I do, but some are sure that I don't.

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Against petty human weakness, I must discipline myself to care less about work, in order to focus on doing the right thing, be it creation, destruction, or waiting.

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Making a note to do that thing where I wipe my shortest term memory in harmonic intervals over a second, increasing in speed. Visual modality particularly, aural next, then haptic. It helps to decouple the conscious and subconscious imaginations, aiding R&R, and sleep. The pleasure increase is apparent - not sure if it's specific to any variety of neurotransmitter of course, since I don't have test facilities. The muscle reaction pattern seems to indicate that this is related to induced REM phases. I wish I had a bigger budget for studies. Oh, well.

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On shift for 27 hours between now and 7am Monday. Sleep has a high priority. Coaching comes next. And then?

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Let the next circle of hell begin. This is one of the waiting ones.

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"There's a squirtle in the greasetra..."
"Shadap."

I don't need an app... I have a shop full of strange creatures in training... lol

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Back to work, early. Entropy is rising.

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Base food. Extra protein, B complex, caffeine... and then we start cleaning.

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If I wake up in time to volunteer at the college fair (philosophy major booth), perhaps I should carry a placard with something like this on it:

"History is like a giant piece of software. If you want to understand how it got here in its entirety, there's only the entirety of the past to be considered.

As a kid*, I was told that getting a scholarship to college was my best chance of getting into a decent education system. By SPM year*, I was already tired of the idea, but I applied anyway, receiving some RM500,000 from private sources to attend a four-year liberal arts college. After the second year*, I concluded that few people at my college cared about the history of ideas, and the structure of the university syllabus as a whole, so I would have to study it on my own anyway. But there was still a free degree, and much infrastructure to be taken, and so... [* 1993, 1999, 2003]

... I ended up majoring in Philosophy because it demanded the least amount of homework for my final two years at college. Ask me anything."

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790, 700, 800, 770, 730
A mediocre athlete's dusty medals from decades past. Tis the season for farting around with memorabilia.

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Designing an installation of empty photo frames for our wall: loneliness, pain, grief, poverty, sickness, death.
Pentameter + 1. Hmm.

These are the things I concern myself with, because others appear to shy away from them. The attention of society must be balanced. And then I have to go to work and get questions about why? I'm afraid, while I'm thinking about work, I probably won't remember why. Hahahaha.

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I know, I know! We can have a consensus... the DC movies need to be kept at least as bleak in tone, but for more traditional emotional arcs I think a viable swap would be Synder out (to please the haters) and Aronofsky in.

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Sleep needed. Conversations ex-work dead-ended. Invoking short-term memory fracturing... the only place to go for comfort.

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I should dedicate the first three waking hours of each day to staging. Max out on nutrition. Monitor budgets very tightly.

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Routines. Work life.

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Fire. Just on time.

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Troubled. But it is late, and there is no chat. Time for some exercise, food, sleep, and then back to the farm.

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Eight months of living in an office without WiFi. Well now, we have WiFi.

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Interesting how in primary school, a lot of focus was put on fixating short-term memory, "do not daydream." Whereas in my twenties and thirties, while I fixate short-term memory for most of the day, in order to earn a living, in order to relax for sleep/R&R, I must practice active fragmentation of short-term memory.

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I build relationships for business and love. Friends are folks I happen to have something in common with - few efforts are made to develop attachments here. Family adds nothing to the above. An infrequent pattern.

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Using a chess set to illustrate all the power relations in the company, during internship onboarding. Achievement unlocked?

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