Yawn 33

Nov 7 - Dec 9

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Tired but happy! Progress is coming.

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This account has been barred from posting on subjects related to the owner's job.

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Can't talk about the lovely people I meet at work anymore. Does that mean, I should clutter the cosmos with grim, dark trivia? Negative, my lords and ladies. Instead we shall ponder the frivolous state of the human being that finds comfort in flesh around it. Flesh, you say? Flesh. She knows not why she smiles when she is smiled at, but she likes it when the fleshling smiles at her. And is he wrought with angst when she howls? Yes he is, but he too knows not why. It is beyond their preponderant loves and hates to hold themselves up to light, like little berries, and to look for habits they were born with, unlearnt. How do you think, you came to think, that you are human? An abstract concept invented by animals to breathe myth into their daily lives. Oh what a party, is she.

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On the consciousness of rat neuron clusters: This is stupid. There's no clear difference in the first place. They're all just networks.

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I like investigative journalism. Yes I do.

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Generally, I live a fairly simple and happy life. Perhaps this may be useful to those of you facing difficulties in your approach to life.

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On bilingual cognitive advantages: Redundant nodes are good. Redundant networks are better.

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On net neutrality and mega-dominant-platforms like Google and Facebook: This is pretty interesting. There ought to be, if there isn't already, a bunch of rules that quantify the discreteness of a social media platform and its brand. If you go above a certain size, you get slapped with more regulation. The bigger you grow, the more open you are forced to be. If you try to break your network into lots of little ones, your little ones need to be properly separated from each other. As soon as CX and data can move between two platforms, the pair must be treated as a federation. The greater the degree of federation, the more the federation is treated as a single platform. This is probably kinda sorta how mobile telcos have to behave already. I need to read up more on this if I can ever find the free time. :P

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This is why you must talk about events in detail.

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I was not aware that dimsum is available next to my [stuff I can't talk about].

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Skipping sleep, going for a meeting that I am not embargoed from discussing. Whee!

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"What do you want, as a person?"
"Hardly anything. Been good for over 15 years."
"You do not say what you mean."
"I feel, people rarely read me as literally as I mean to be read."
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Sarcasm is really for plebs.

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I think I'll need a day to catch up on sleep.

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Enforced waking. Since I cannot address events following July 2015, and since this account ia about work, I will soon write about the thoughts I have had recently about work I did before that. Breakfast first.

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Without reference to concrete events, sometimes my friends use language like this on me, and for due dilligence, I make a point of reviewing the literature in order to understand their points of view. The verdict? The literature is imprecise. Evil is whatever you do not appreciate in the world.

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Shit. This is what I did my degree in. Now we'll never know if I'm a psychopath, born, bred, or acted.

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On CRISPR vis nanoparticles instead of viruses: Contemporary bio-engineering is so cool. Need more startups in this space. Hard.

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So I was thinking about that time in 2008 when I was involved in an attempted mugging. Unfortunately, that day, I was carrying my work in my computer (not a valuable computer). I pushed back against the attempting muggers, and they left without my work. Subsequently I was pickpocketed by security guards who offered to help me. It goes to show that I am not very clever, but I generally do not negotiate with terrorists. So now, you know how to take my money.

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So in college, on scholarship, I had four years to invest in learning... really anything, as that was the nature of the endowment. It only required a C+ GPA to retain funding, and the organisational average was a B+, so a reasonably diligent or clever student could take the easiest classes and spend free time on independent study. I studied the structure of the entire organisation's academic program, and concluded that it was disorganised. I did not receive support in critiquing it, but I continued to receive funding to be enrolled. So I spent the rest of my time studying the structure of human cognition, and it was a fulfilling study.

I also studied what it would be like to have to live alone, as if in jail, as I knew I would be returning to a country without rule of law. I generally think it is good to be satisfied with oneself, while retaining a subliminal awareness of the constant and unavoidable non-zero probability of immediate pain, or death, or social castigation. And during college, I trained myself accordingly. After this, in 2005, I returned home, to study commerce and the political anthropology of my original country.

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This is not hard. It depends on how you define self-consciousness

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You can fix this with smart contracts. Or the sort of equivalent consensus algorithms.

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Well, about time isn't it? How else would you build intelligence if without contigency planning?

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grl: "I will miss talking about it."
me: "Oh well... pity I don't have anything else to talk about."
grl: "You're like a different person already."
me: "Would you like a donut?"
grl: "You don't even like dessert."
me: "Uhuh."

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In my study of commerce in 2012, I did at some point study the trading of stocks and options. Coming from a non-commercial background, I found that my my appreciation for risk was unsatisfactory. In order to to temper my emotional impulses, I took a position which I had traded to 125% and decided to hold the position no matter which way it swung even if it would dip to a near zero value. The point of this exercise was to learn how to tolerate the urge to liquidate fundamentally sound positions. I exited the position at -82%, after six months. Daily, I reviewed the news, and meditated on the emotional urges to take a profit, while studying a new language. It was a peaceful time.

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On cashless, staffless stores: All of these flesh and feeling F&B places will have their own (reduced) niches, of course.

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What is it you lack in life? Why do you allow others to hurt you?

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This? You get to watch oily droplets bounce on water if your espresso beans are ground very finely.

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Being unable to speak of specifics, I can only paint in broad strokes, a nauseating disdain for sentiment, the absence of respect for being, the labourious coddling of timidity, an endless adventure, a task in the moment, a crawling repetition, a lugubrious temerity, a wailing h... one moment, a friend needs help with homework, so we're back in the realm of concrete references!

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40 minutes to bedtime. Woohoo!

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OKC question: Do you feel motivated to help your fellow humans? Yes. But I reason myself out of following my feelings, usually.

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Awake.

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A short reflection in the future to be published, on euthanasia as a universal basic service, the equal treatment of all information systems mammalian or otherwise, the protection if property, the administration of necessary force, the futility of demanding acceptance, the rhetoric of sickness, the rule of law, the tolerance of religion, the nature of insultability as a weakness of character, the precursors of civil society, the rule of lawless actors.

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"What is brunch?"
#JLAmovie

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Taking a breather after a complicated fortnight. Not dead yet, unfortunately. Excited by new developments in how death will come to me. Still curious what time will provide as a lubricant for its passage. Muzzled, of course, for the time being, and needing to refactor and reoptimise value chains accordingly. Absolutely nothing to report because the intersection of a set and its compliment are well, just that. Making a point of being reflective. Just a small limitation, versus actually having your tongue ripped out, or being unable to move flesh while the mind suffers every touch of a rape or scapel.

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"You have fewer problems now. People have forgotten your problems."
"That is not agreeable. Problems must be laid bare."
"They will destroy you."
"All change in space and time is destructive by definition."

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Not enough unspeakable things are done. My attention must address them.

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Lunch time. Thinking about how the Js generally worry about reputations, whereas the Ps would wing it any which way.

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BD, BPD, ADHD, SAP, ASPD, DPD, HPD... the list goes on. We see these in our workplaces, but we can say nothing about them. Small firms cannot afford shrinks. One cannot say, "... hey, I had a look at the DSM, and have you considered seeking help for X," without prefixing, "by the way, I'm not a professional shrink, but...," and even then one may be called a gaslighter and thereby emotional abuser. So you know what we do instead? Here's a hard line called the performance threshold, meet it, or leave.

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All dressed up and nowhere to go (for war).

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Sick. But, that is the nature of life. Somtimes, the bugs win. You and I are just the bugs whose parents won the last round.

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It is good to constantly bear in mind, contingencies on the following time frames:
- 6 seconds
- 1 minute
- 10 minutes
- 1.7 hours
- 17 hours
- 1 week
- 69 days
- 22.8 months
- 19 years

Orders of ten.

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At the end of the day, the hospitality, entertainment, and healthcare industries are bottlenecked by the lack of personalised attention, and in the long run, the solution will be to make androids which are cheaper albeit indistinguishable from human service providers. If you don't understand this, you have no idea what you are going to be doing in the hospitality business 50 years from now.

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Into the darkness!

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In bed, and ruminating on the world as it presents itself before me. Of late the puzzle appears as a matter of ethics: how should we lead the ways of the world, without touching upon that which cannot be spoken? A problem quite familiar to any student of the history of problems.
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Tonight, let us meditate on the socio-economic stati of the worms in our gut, and the lice in our hair. Let us consider them beside the worms of the earth outside, and beside the mites on the trees sprouting up and above. Are they of separate classes? Nay, they are the same.
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Let us consider our mothers, and fathers, our lovers, and our friends. Are they of a class above the beggars on the street, and the wraiths in the gaols of the law? Nay, they are the same.
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Do we feel that one is worth more than another? Of course. Is it of consequence beyond our petty sentiments? Probably not. Do we dance around averting our gaze from such futilities? Some of us do. And each one in their beds, does as they deem fitting, unto their intimates, wanton and wasted, whether diplomats or dumplings, each reaches forth and does unto the earth what their foremothers did before: whatever, they wished, to exceed.

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Two lattes are not breakfast. But three lattes are going to have to be: brunch.

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On this, I strive to be transparent about my complexities. Run, if you enjoy a simpler life.

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Today I was able to concisely summarise my position on the recent past. It made me happy

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Now I'm curious about whether the prevalence of right-handedness comes from the assymetry of the heart and gastrointestinal tract. You feel more comfy sleeping one way, and the nervous stimulation on that side is greater.

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A happy surprise.

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Confucius say: man whose conscience clear, cannot be trusted.

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How are you spending your discretionary income in November?

I surveyed a bunch of Selangor/KL retailers in fashion and F&B. General reports are that Nov MoM sales are down (every year, for some) on account of school holidays leading to travel, and monsoons leading to more homebodies.

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Having an excellant month so far. Exciting weekend ahead.

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Pain is weakness leaving the body. It is the same of shyness, tickles, disgust, nausea, and fear. What survives? What dies? Which do we prefer to identify with?

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This is good advice:
“If you want money, ask for feedback, and if you want feedback, ask for money.”

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When you love someone, you let them go. If you love everyone, you let them all go? Hm.

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Battery density: We're now playing the same game Pixar played waiting 20 years for the computing power to make Toy Story.

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Moderately relaxing day. No major bears, no major poking, left hand has had a week to heal, generally lovely weather, and a lot of trivia.

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I am eating some very pretty desserts, in a very pretty cafe, full of very happy people. It tastes like fast food, and arguably the ice cream at McDonalds has more fat in it. Remind me again why I should bother to do this with my own money. :D It is the very embodiment of encouraging people to waste their lives on earth, hurting themselves to earn money, then spending it on drugs.

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Same shit, different day. Coachy coachy coaching...

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Finally caught up on sleep, I think. This is judging by the definition of sleep as, in bed, preferring to contemplate consciously, over shutting down conscious processes.

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Contemplating the cost of a body transplant. Potential locked-in syndrome. Potentially endless pain. Does one prepare by learning Morse code and training signal generation in various modalities, so that ports and protocols can be scanned and accessed by the people on the outside? Scary. This is a speakable thing. Now, time turns to the unspeakable.

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Risk allocations by asset class:
(A) You focus all your risk on work, and look for stability on Tinder.
(B) Your risk levels at work are moderate, and you play games on Tinder.
(C) ... ?

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"Same deal is no deal, right?"
"What else can she offer me?"
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"She can say, [Let's get in a relationship; we will sleep with each other; you will control all the money; we will sign contracts providing you with unilateral powers to penalise me and compensate yourself for any inconveniences that I cause you.]"
"Lol. She will not offer this."
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"Love is like business. Lousy customers need to pay more."
"So logical."
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"Sorry."
"I guess many people treat love as business."
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"I don't know much about other people. People tell me I am weird."

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Enforced sleep.

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I dreamt I sold my possessions and life was easy again. Bad dream. Not because I like possessions. But because I like due process.

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New bucketlist item: run a Michelin starred restaurant that gives away its stars. (Now I'll never get any.)

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I'm an INTP.
My interest is
天下
😂

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Always expect the worst. 😀 Then ask them out anyway. #warsofattrition

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It's been a decade since I stopped working in large companies. It has been a curious study.

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On this. I put off studying for the SPM till about a month before, because I was lazy and didn't care about the consequences. Also it was relatively easy, and I estimated that if I started cramming before that, I would start to forget things before the exam. Dunno man.

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"Maybe, you should get a sex change."
"But why?"
"It looks like you're bored. You don't seem to be proud of the fact that you are a girl."
"Why should I be proud, of something I didn't choose? Did you choose to be, a girl?"
"No, of course not. But I love being a girl. You, don't care."
"I've been bored for most of my life. But that's not a reason to change the fundamentals."
"But you're not happy."
"Well, I'm as happy as I've ever been. What you mean is that I'm not as vacuously joyous as you drunk nuns, cavorting in the temples of karaoke and drawing offerings from the cocks of men."
"You're so strange."
"That's not a reason to change. We don't choose to breath. We don't choose to fear breathlessness - we are given that, fear, also."
"Do you like being a girl?"
"As much as I like breathing. Which isn't much. But so be it."
"I hope you enjoy being what you are. I could never do it."
"Of course you couldn't. And I couldn't enjoy being you."

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Bezos succeeds where Gossnab fails. #markets

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Contemplating the void. Because I don't like rushing into it.

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I don't know who you 49% are but I've never had to meet you under circumstances where you shew yourselves. Guess I put the right ads out. #poorboys

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I was taught hypothesis testing when I was eight. What you sciencing, punk?

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A menace to the environment, and a recreational distraction from public welfare. #petrolheads

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Once we get to robots that are smarter than your average date, no one is going to prefer a human except for sentimental reasons. Who prefers horses to cars? A few rich people. Doubt that robots will ever be as smart as humans? Perhaps you have an unnaturally high view of human smartness... Lol

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Sleep. Repairs cellular qualities. Repairs network qualities. At some point there are enough excess resources, that conscious thought toys with ceding powers over short term memory to subconscious control: conscious dreams result. At this junction, conscious thought has the option of submiting specific domains of memory to subconscious control. I am learning to use these moments to bring to bring under scrutiny specific objects of fear (/ emotional uncertainty). I take projects that I am involved in, and subject them to the dream state, and allow subconscious controls to mutate the memories. It is like turning up the difficulty in games against an AI. I find it is a good training ground. It steels the consciousness and prepares it for a broad spectrum of contingencies. I find that the ideal amount of sleep results, when the subconscious controls have receded, and conscious controls are dominant. That feels like a fully prepared waking - with specific thoughts in mind. It would be foolish to call this, mere "purpose."

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So it appears the correct win-win policy is: no more 1-on-1s with any co-worker, regardless of sex or gender. This is actually fungible.

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I am looking for a high risk project to invest 3-8 years of time in. Early stage startups looking for muscle (haha), hit me up.
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I expect nothing to come of this, but I owe it to myself to make the most of my remaining time on earth, of which the decade 2013-2022 has been dedicated to commercial pursuits. Hey, even if you're looking to start a war and need to run mercenaries, it might even fit my mandate. But oh well, what do we know, each person on any night may die in their sleep.

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I require more risk. That is good enough for now: to know the source of the problems I face, even if there is no resolution. One's life may thus be optimised a day at a time. Today will be a better day, as I continue to work with this end in mind. Perhaps it will be the last. Same meditations daily: curated for years on end - that's what I took away from religious training. :)
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Post shower: don't get me wrong. I'm not saying more risk is the problem - it is the solution. I suppose the problem with making peace with the world at too young an age, is that you then spend most of your life just looking to see what kills you. It has been about fifteen years. I will continue the examination.

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I'm at KL Sentral with 75 minutes to kill before bureaucracy resumes. What do you recommend? I am planning to walk around and survey brands, operations, and consumer behaviours.

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I almost never dedicate time to watching people. Today was a happy accident. It was refreshing to return to the crowd, gazing into their eyes, picking apart their choices and accidents of facial expression and styling, modelling their states of mind and concerning myself with the concerns of pedestrians casually passing.

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As anticipated in my youth, the conditions for war grow greater with each passing day. I hope not to see a civil war, but it always seems like the nation is on track. :)
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I don't mean that the powers that be have gotten worse. They have not. What matters is the change in perception about how ill things are. The manipulation of anger is key to political processes, and the newer iterations of Malaysia's government have successively grown worse at the games.

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No more patting people on the back!
#lawsuits

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Talking folks through the mental gymnastics of whether being stealthed counts as being raped. Not my favourite activity. But there's a lot of dodgy business out there. #lifexwork

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Bring it. Bring truth crashing down upon the naive.

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Eternally grateful that some people are quite comfy with darkness, neither avoiding it nor finding themselves needful of other habitats.

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Time to replace a driveshaft and some lower arm assemblies. Not enough sleep. Enforced activity. Cognition will pay for this.

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This is why I work with poor people. (Yeah, I'm atas like that - I think the bottom three quartiles are the poor people :p)

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AI: Maybe I will return to the field before we run out of room for contributions.

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I have decided that "generic white people hipster food," shall henceforth be called hipstertrash.
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"and generic asian hipster food?"
"Yellowbait"
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fts...
"white hipstertrash"
"asian hipstertrash"
"oreo hipstertrash"

Cool?