Jobs? Jobs.

You haven't been able to stay in one field of work, you say?

omg. trust me, your PhD counts as one job that you did beginning with the undergraduate foundation that enabled it.

if instead you had 11 jobs over 8 years in multiple industries, and hadn't yet been hired as CEO of something, you basically have nothing ;) #justkidding

11 jobs in 8 years. I think I deserve a 2nd page on my resume. Or maybe I am still supremely kidding myself.

Who the fuck cares what's on my resume these days? XD

On "Hoffman on Quality"

(I take it that) He's basically saying that quality isn't just what's in the cup. Rather, quality is the whole machine which brings people to what's in the cup.

Third Reich on the Malay Peninsula...

Singapore seems to be locking down on all sorts of freedoms this past fortnight.

They were always a tad stingier than the dictators of Malaysia, but hey, one can only hope that it doesn't get worse...

If I Made Time for Activism...

Basically, if you wanted global attention on Malaysian issues... Reddit would not be the worst place to start any conversations about everything that we publish. See: http://www.reddit.com/r/malaysia

Risk On, Risk Off

Folks that (1) care about language, but (2) refuse to get technical about it... (3) seem inclined to hate me... hmm. Risk off?

Generally, perhaps, folks who care about anything, but refuse to get technical about it... are not going to get along easily with me.

Teleological Meditations

I've found over the past few months, in observations of my stress levels upon getting up in the morning, that there is high variance in this data (undocumented - all in my head, i.e. for all official purposes, anecdotal). Of course, many common input variables such as hydration, thought process during sleep, and physical exercise during waking hours, are under consideration.

It's not that I really want to be happy, but being happy gets other shit done.

Aside it seems harder to be happy if I'm not trying. So I'm trying to remember the experience of happiness, and to target it. Old exercises.

When I seek to identify experiences like this, I'm actually considering the component signals in various sense modalities, as they stand alone, and then as they are multiplexed into one's "stream of consciousness."

Years ago, when I was digging into this stuff for the first time, the observable evidence pointed to the majority of discomfort in my mind coming from the musculo-skeletal structure. Misaligned antagonistic muscle control, itches that can only be scratched by moving muscles where the itches are located, confusion arising from lack of coordination. So I resolved a lot of "unhappiness," by simply taking an engineered approach to working out, and targeting my apparent causes of stress on a muscle-by-muscle basis.

Perhaps, this is how yoga once evolved. But that too is an old thought. Nothing here is being written for the first time in human history.

Numbness in the Body

To observe:

I've noticed that's a good indicator of when to take a break - the less (centripetal) data comes in, the less information I have with which to control my musculo-skeletal structure (via centrifugal signals)- so trying to get things done when my haptic inputs are wonky just results in an apparent lack of musculo-skeletal coordination.

Having slacked off on skipped physical conditioning meditations for a few years, this is a good time to revisit them. Must work on increasing haptic:optic ratio in consciousness.

Daily Carbs

Test this:

Skew towards loading protein in the first half of the waking day; skew towards loading carbohydrates in the second half.

Analysis Paralysis

Probably my guiltiest sin, at the moment.

It has been a very slow week. While waiting for things to fall into place, I accompany one of my employers on a social game of ultimate. I run harder than I have in a while, and the upper-body requirements are refreshing also - generally, I remain a horrible player. Much room for improvement. Back home, I consider the many options I have to fill this time.

So far, it feels that this is an ideal time for physical conditioning, so I should pursue that diligently. Aside, I am wondering which analytical study to dive into: if programming, programming what, and otherwise, if reading, then reading what, etc.

I poke around at Hell, the web development framework that I have been working on in Haskell. I run some tests on a simple webpage service: I look at the numbers. 6.5 MB memory footprint for 200 requests-per-second. For no immediate reason, this seems encouraging. The efficiency seems high, even though I have nothing to compare it with at the moment (for laziness). And, it seems that this will work decently in an embedded setting too.

Maybe more reasons to put this back into context. 4 May was the last commit I made to this repository. That means, this has been a 25 day break, during which I read a lot about coffee, and attended to various attempts to diversify concerns. This remains the single most elaborate software development project which I have worked on to date, so I might as well get back to it now.

Sigh.

I think I need to approach this software project very slowly, leaving lots of space for distractions, given the current absence of a routine at the day job. Otherwise software development just edges out all other activities in my schedule.

After half and hour of skimming, I am still not feeling a sense of curiosity about this. I.e. it is boring. That probably means that I need a longer break from this.

Sigh again.

Dirty Talking

Words translate mostly to sights in my head, not feelings; so it's inefficient for me to appreciate dirty talk. It takes a bit of extra effort - actually, like several minutes of focused prep. Perhaps it's a guy thing. At least I think I know -how- to get into that zone, if I think about it, though I don't always remember. I haven't bothered to write it down yet. All fundamentally tedious detailing.

Guys generally tend (to be wired) to translate sights to feelings more easily. But that seems not to be the case for me, either. Sights are sights, sounds are sounds, feelings are feelings. So to condition myself to have certain emotional stimuli upon receiving certain other sensory input takes some practice.

Probably because I've spent so much time practicing how to dissociate stimuli from each other, in my analysis of how the brain processes information.

Good. This insight from old studies and recent calamity will help me to train appropriately, in the engagement of future dirty talkers. Then again, will I ever want to retrain myself to fit the ideals of others? I suppose if the economics are right, I will. But usually, the economics demand that I pay more attention to studies. So perhaps, I'll just have to date folks who enjoy the studious me.

Hysterical Hitachi

In case you enjoyed Hysterical Literature, which I mentioned here, and wanted to know about about "the Hitachi," I think this comic answers everything.

My sexuality is rather straight and boring, pretty much intentionally so - given the extreme complications that I seek elsewhere in life. I like women, and I like it when they like it. And apparently, they looove this Hitachi. 

Happily Distracted...

... for a few hours.

This evening, I didn't have much on my schedule.

My body's still a little numb from recent work-outs, so I didn't do much exercise today.

Around 1830 hours I saw a friend post about an event that began at 1930 hours. It was scheduled to start late, so I waited till traffic had cleared, having dinner before driving out. It was apparently, a discussion / course on "philosophy." The facilitator was reasonably cogent and fluent about the subject, dwelling mostly on anecdotes regarding the Socratic method. I was pleased to witness this.

I have almost always made time, since returning to Malaysia, to check out events branded with that word. I feel that it attracts a certain variety of generalist, and I am a keen generalist. I also have "major in Philosophy," on my academic credentials, and for what it's worth, I suppose contributing via explaining things to people who want to learn more about the subject is the only thing I'm "qualified," for, in terms of papers.There were some familiar faces at the meeting, and many news ones. I also discussed the venue with friends online, during the event itself. One person I have been conversing with, is a friend of the hostess. After the event, back home, I was doing my favourite thing, by attempting to link up the people in this "group," with the people in other "relevant groups," whom I was aware of. We discussed the notion of relevance.

me: well, i have a very broad sense of relevance. i had an ex who hated it when i introduced her to people whom i found interesting, because it thought there'd be a 10% chance they'd get along.

x: u dated someone who wasn't social? lol

me: I've dated a lot of introverts. EMERGERD. maybe i need to be pickier about dating, and employment; but then i just wouldn't be me ;)

It's not that I'm not picky, really, it's just that I'm picky about unusual parameters.

Maybe.

Anyway, it was a good chance to watch and chat with folks for a couple of hours. This is a good drug, right? The only other one I had today, was a cup of coffee.

In a few hours, back to non-work... :-S

Weekly

Monday

Given the volume of inexplicable phenomena that I witness on a momentary basis, I find it odd that folks find wonder amazing.

For a few days, regained my risk appetite, and now I've lost it again. Right asset class, wrong stock (for my portfolio).

#1 gripe. People who can't teach. Oh gawd, no... you can't escape this breed...

It may be the case that I don't mind the taste of Robusta, since I don't mind the taste of rubber :-S. I drank Lavazza today. Cursory research indicates that their blend may consist of up to 30% Robusta... bearing in mind that I've probably gotten used to the smell of burnt rubbery things since growing up in KL exhaust. I mean, I used to go jogging in KL city (at night, mostly). Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf by the way, tastes like burnt meat.

Why do male humans live shorter lives than female humans on average?

A friend quipped:

males not required after fertilising females :P

Wrong species to be specific, but at the molecular level, the endocrinal differentiation probably is, indeed to blame; homo sapiens sexual differentiation influences everything from anti-oxidant levels to risk aversion...

Breakfast at 6am. Right! That's what taking Robusta at 10pm will do to me.

--

Tuesday

Played ultimate with a boss. Figured out we had some old friends in common, over dinner.

Reading up on bitwise operators in JavaScript and about using asm.js

BBC's Moriarty > Gordon Ramsey... as a caricature of rage.

GiveDirectly: also if you believe in the founding motivations for Keynesian economics... it's a chance to mess with another country's money supply #perhapsTotallyWrong

Feels like daily, the dodo bird of humanity pecks out my brain, while I'm tied to this rock, falling around our star. #notPrometheus

--

Wednesday

It's getting late. Protein stations... (breakfast...)

Melodyne's unmixing algorithm: since all these problems of my youth seem to have been tackled by folks already... I guess I have to find new problems once I'm smart enough to fix the old ones. Polyphonic is one thing... when you've got complex signals like "Song 2," or something, I imagine you'd have to do something like analyse out all the component sines... identify the harmonics that belong to the same unison by statistically tracking their correlation... then proceed with treating those bags of harmonics as if they belonged to a single instrument. Never actually done it. Wish I had more time for this... :( #foreverBusy

A slightly-less-than-moderately productive break from studying programming. 25 days or so. Time to dive back in. Let's start by reading what has been written. Feels like I need a longer break from reading what has been written DX. Rain and geetar to mix it up. Music isn't as interesting as it used to be - probably because I haven't studied it as much in recent years. Amp maybe needed.

The older I get, the less energy I have for keeping my head out of society. One of these days I'm gonna crack. :P Or perhaps, it's just my reaction to having stayed out of it for as long as I have. Too much, too little, always a missing balance. By the time this job stabilises, I'll have spent 2% of my lifetime on it already. Interesting. But is it reasonable? Perhaps.

I just figured out which client / employer / partner / friend / acquaintance I've worked with the longest over the past 8 years. And the answer's not an easy one.

The rain stops. I open the balcony door, leaning against its frame, and take a look around. The cows are eating happily. Real cows.

--

Thursday

Introduced client to the notion of a recursive acronym. This might be interesting.

Back in TTDI. Reading about wine (last read these books in hospital in 2009), because I've run out of coffee.

It's fun talking to people about their states of intention and organisation. I should do it more often.

0346 hours. Too much coffee again. Livin large. Going for a run. #pleaseDontMugMe

Offensive weapons in Malaysia: crossbows are illegal, but slingshots and chefs knives seem legit.

Supper at 0445 is a soggy starch glassed wing of fowl, white rice, and apple juice. MYR 8. Bloody hell; need to do groceries more often.

Maybe I need to learn more languages. I'm getting tired of swearing in English.

ce café a un goût de chaussure

dieser kaffee schmeckt wie ein furz

--

Friday

Producer of the CapitalFM breakfast show called me up to try pick-up lines on me... on the air. I think I ended up sounding like I was channeling BBC's Sherlock. Next time I can say " you want to fuck, say want to fuck lah... front or back, akahh?"

Then sleep.

Then volunteering as admin / waiter / stand-in at an eye-gazing party.

Then rearranging legal documents.

Then social computer gaming.

Then noms.

Then the drive home.

Then journaling and invoices.

Then sleep.

To be up at 11am for a noon meeting.

Waitering for fun; legaling for wages; dota-ing for stimuli; fucking busy day. Elsewhere, she looks happy, and I'm so relieved.

--

Saturday

Just met the wife of some really lucky guy; what a hottie. Then more industry networking. Groceries. To catch up on sleep...

Emoticons are great for a guy that doesn't have much to say.

Showering off in the heat of the night.

The occasional dose of alcohol has taken me from "stressed and bored," to "just bored." Maybe this is an improvement.

--

Sunday

Tomatoes. Listless sunday. Maybe time to start drawing.

On the bright side, not a single whiny parent, acquaintance, or other person within earshot. #sunday

Downloaded a bunch of body drawing training diagrams. I should eat a proper meal to properly begin the day.

Went for a walk, managed to get over to the lake and farm, did some photography.

Copied some of the training drawings - a long way to go.

Headache after a drink of water. Perhaps it was a dirty cup. Forced to get out of bed. Exercise and food seem to make it better.

Definitely spottier than I was a few years ago. Praps melanoma will get the better of me, after all.

#klgigs - Whys, and Wherefores...

ALWAYS use the shortest possible hashtag that makes sense.

So, you wanna be a student for life?

not advisable. very not advisable. abort. abort.

Why? Well, on the down days you don't have a horde or morons to lean on for comfort. ;P Ok - that only applies if you end up being a -solitary- student for life, a path which I'm sure you're all wise enough to avoid...

"Why is the Angry Bird, Angry?"

Because marketing determined that anger refers to a low-level system in the human body; its use is thereby likely to trigger greater emotional stimuli than say, the use of boredom, or jest. Appropriate emotional stimuli results in higher rates of memory imprinting, generically referred to as 'stickiness.' In short, it would help to sell more apps.

Of course, it was a three-year-old who asked this question, and her father who posted it on the web.

Maybe this is working out?

That period during which you've paid an arm and a leg, and have yet to receive the goods. Dum dee dum.

My work has never provided much employment. Now, I'm furthermore on track to fitting in with producers, not consumers. Boredom and loss aren't a miscible mixture. Choices are usually easy. Consequences are draggy, sometimes. Sometimes, very draggy. -_-

On the role of self-deprecating humour: you're right, I don't care about 'my,' status much, but I do care about running out of jokes that other people get... without those, I rarely feel like I have anything to contribute...

Brief work out. Nothing like a little panic to combat the caffeine withdrawal.

Can't square empathy with "bros," "chicks," "folk of substance," and "gentlefolk," because their egos are mutually exclusive. :( #sadfly

Haven't sat on the floor in a while. More stretching is in order. Maybe some cushions. The scenery is good. I am refreshed.

Pit stop 2. I've figured out what to do with my time for a bit.

Perhaps an increased physical exercise routine is just what I need to do with my time.

Off for a run. Things to dodge: packs of wild dogs, mosquitoes, roving murderers.