In this idiom, these refer to social strategies. Basically, a lover is a bilateralist, and a fighter is a unilateralist. Bilateral politics depends on consensus, where each party seeks to balance the application of carrot- and stick-strategies. Unilateral politics depends on jungle law, where each party seeks to to dominate force projections and defenses ... roughly all-sticks strategies.
In modern human society, we see these play out differently across economic strata. Where the common idiom is to use "money" as a euphemism for "force", as well as "wellness" (including "education"), we find the following patterns.
Lower-class values are typically base, "I seek to make enough money to escape being in pain."
Upper-class values are similar, "I seek to make enough money to escape being in pain, PERMANENTLY, and for my genetic identity (descendants) also."
Middle-class values are a bit different, tending towards "I seek to make enough money to be a good member of my home owners association (neighbourhood government)". And that is specifically because the middle-class is on the submissive end of a carrot strategy commandeered by the upper-class.
Without further elucidation, to keep short this essay, we find that fighters dominate the lower- and upper-classes. Whereas loving is a middle-class value.
One last thing : it's of interest to note that anyone with the opportunity for a hand-out, whether it's kids of generous parents, or folks on welfare, basically devolves to middle-class values ... they seek to behave specifically, in order to be acceptable, and worthy.
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2025-03-04
Are you a lover or a fighter? A short thread.
So this week I posted in a subtle asian dating group that I have a kink, to never run into the sort of girl who wants to turn off her brain around me.
A fun trolling. The triggered responses were nonzero. Some people feel that it's essential that they can feel safe around their partner.
I'm cool with that. It's a service I can provide from time to time. You wanna turn off your fight or flight mode? Go ahead.
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But I am not doing this for free at your beck and call. If you're gonna take offense that I'm not on standby for your inevitable collapse, then you can go find someone else who likes waiting.
Your fight, flight, feed, fuck, freeze, fawn instincts are yourself, and you need to be able to have them marching in rank and file ... unrealistic? If you think so, then I think you're disabled. So yes, I would prefer you find someone who wants to coddle that disability.
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It's like, you know, some people don't like to suck cock, but they'll do it from time to time, and enjoy the fact that their partner enjoys it? Well, that's how I view regulating other people's emotions.
I can suck your thang i.e. regulate your emotions, but it you get mad at me because I say it's not available, ah, now I'm triggered. You're just wasting my time.
Don't waste my time.
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But priorities change. Maybe one day I will prefer to be your lover.
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And so, I conclude, being someone who is comfortable switching in and out of fight flight friend fawn freeze feed fuck whatever ...
... I may have to concede that I am a fighter, not a lover. My orientation in life does not send my resources down the same path as someone who is primarily a caregiver.
But priorities change. Maybe one day I will prefer to be your lover.
But don't wait up
