For two years from mid-2017, I wore a wristwatch almost every day. It was simply faster to check operation times this way, than by pulling out a phone. Mostly, I wore the watch, a MiBand2, like a tool, face-inside. (This doesn't work if you rest your wrists while typing in desk-jobs - in fact, watch straps do not work at all. I hadn't worn a watch in years, since getting my first cellphone as a gift in 2005. Clearly behind the curve - I am usually a late adopter of unnecessarily cumbersome technology. I still find cellphones cumbersome, would rather they be combined inside laptops, and I hate thumb-typing on glass because it is slow and error prone. I do not use automatic spelling correction.)
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For much of this time, I slept in a rented room, large enough to store boxes of clothing sorted by parts, a dining table which functioned as a study table hardly used and piled high with unsorted paperwork, a king-sized bed belonging to the landlord, a space on the floor to perform calisthenics where a curl-bar was parked with weights. A three-watt lamp was always on. The light helped me stay alert. I had consciously, for this period of life, swapped out my preference for minimising waste, in order to burn money and fuel, use plastic, and eat out, for the sole optimisation of spending more time at work. I also acquired a number of dietary supplements for operational time and cash efficiencies: protein powder, creatine, B12, fish oil. Above the boxes of clothes, I installed a shelf as a convenience for guests to park their things.
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The project was begun in 2015 with three operating partners, and soon these were reduced to one. A staff had to be acquired instead, rapidly cobbled together, largely undisciplined, this too disintegrated within the first year, and has since been completely replaced. From this I gathered that the muppets easily available in our market, did not easily grow into a force of military precision - nowadays, bootcamp for new recruits is a relative hell. I myself overcommitted to leading by example, and insufficiently by command. These days, I simply brief staff that I expect them to fail, and that there will be consequences for failure, and that if they somehow evade failure, there will only be harder challenges to look forward to. I am no longer betting on staff who are on par with the market. Only the strong shall survive this stage of development.
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As an operation we have barely begun. In four years our first prototype is somewhat functional and paying for itself, but research and development beyond that has been dismal. While none of this has fallen outside the bounds of normalcy for this industry, it remains work that while planned for, is nonetheless difficult to perform. On we go. But this past month I have enforced for myself a break of sorts: the watch is temporarily off, and when I go to bed I turn out the light; B12 and creatine dosing have been paused. I would prefer to keep these all on, but unfortunately, it is beyond my capabilities. First I shall seek reparations to my health, and then the switches can be flicked again, and it will be back to busy days.
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Now I rest. Occassionally comforted by the warmth of a body beside me, perhaps itself weeping for the absence of its latest lost boyfriend. Where we go from here, no one can ascertain. On any day, in many ways, the operation may fail. These are simply the records of my existence as I experience it.
2019-07-20 at 7:10 am
In Journaled Style
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