Today's Whatsapp counselling session took nearly three hours. I am concerned about my friends' anxieties, and will accommodate chats to discuss their concerns.
Sometimes their concerns are criticisms of my behaviour, and I simply check that my friends understand me correctly, and that they see me for what I am. If they truly understand my point of view, then they should expect me to provide the same outputs each time they provide a particular input, and it would be futile for them to repeat their same point over and over again. Once I am convinced that someone talking to me is fixed in their ways, I will usually leave them be, with less engagement, as there are few avenues to help them become less anxious.
Here are some points raised, and my common responses :
1. "Jerng complains a lot ... " : I need to coach myself to be better - as no one else is going to do it for me. There are very few days of my life not dreaded, lol. Life is just a long wait. So I enjoy complaining. It is my culture. The lyricists I grew up with were Billy Corgon and Thom Yorke, so go figure - I suppose I'm juve that way.
2. "... on social media." : Well social media is efficient - minimum effort, maximum reach. What better way is there to manage one's relationship with others in general? Bear in mind that I tend to find individuals boring, and I am more curious about how to engage with the species as a whole.
3. "Jerng is contradictory about liking money, and making fun of people who like money." : Money bores me ... I try to get as much of it with minimal effort, while focusing my time on stuff that can't be obtained with money ( usually learning stuff, or some other cognitive gymnastics ). I love complaining about money, because it irritates people. QED, I like being irritating. Be the change.
4. "Jerng is irritating." Well if everyone annoys me, it's only fair that I annoy everyone back. I do like to remind people to be more irritated by themselves - because generally people aren't as irritated with themselves as I'd like them to be. I do it because they would become the kind of people I like. Be the change.
5. "Jerng thinks he is special, and all his acquaintances refer to him as weird." Yes, it's quite on brand for me. I haven't reached the point where EVERYONE refers to me as a creep. Hopefully I can balance the irritation levels to avoid that. QED - the democratic opinion is that I am special.
6. "Jerng is special, in a disordered/disabled fashion." Given that I intentionally irritate people - I think it's a matter of who, how much, when, and where.
7. "Jerng receives more commentary from ladies." Not to be sexist but ...
8. "Jerng appears to want to get rid of his friends." I appreciate my friends, but there's a limit : everyone's disposable ... so I definitely don't appreciate old friends in the way many people appreciate old friends, as in they are classified as a non-disposable group.
9. "How would you know new friends are better than old?" The new friends are better simply because they are new, lol. People generally bore me, so it's a matter of freshening the air.
10. "Jerng is not that exciting to begin with. " I'm not trying to be exciting ... I am trying to be excited, there is a difference.
11. "Jerng writes about his love life." I write about my social life in general. If you want to call it love life, you may, but I don't think about it that way. If it is love life, then my love life with Malaysia is the general superset which I refer to mostly. Individuals I write about just happen to be part of the local scene.
12. "Jerng never faults himself." Who's looking to blame anyone? I just say life sucks, I'll deal with it.
13. "Jerng lacks accountability." One has to agree on an accounting standard, before that can be discussed. Most of us probably disagree on standards, but we rush to discuss accountability.
14. "Jerng takes opportunities with people, and emotionally abuses them." My point of view is that I'm doing other people a favour - some are needy, some are not. Some ask for help, some are offered help even if they do not ask. The audacity! Why not?
15. "People who can make it financially, wouldn't even bat an eyelid at Jerng." People should be financially independent, and care less about people like me. We agree.
16. "Jerng is abusive." I refuse intimacy, and I offer it. The frequency of this varies from counterparty to counterparty. I am here to remind people that they are responsible for what they want, and they can choose what they want.
17. "Telling people to get their own place is bait." If someone has their own home, they can see whomever they want to see, it's about THEIR FREEDOM. I need not be involved.
18. "Jerng gaslights people." People can say things I disagree with, but if they are asserting things I disagree with - they can be said to be gaslighting me - we simply disagree.
19. "Jerng gets people addicted to intimacy." If two people are discussing intimacy, and are intimate once, or twice, it does not mean there is anything beyond that. The point of social interaction is to understand other people - that is the entire enterprise of meeting new people.
20. "Letting people into your home is a laborious form of charity." Some people are averse to sleeping with strangers, and letting strangers into their homes. It is a big deal for them. Not all of us feel it is a big deal. I like strangers.
21. "Jerng hurts people." The way I see it, he only way to reduce being hurt in the long run is for person to become independent. So all the short-term "miss this," "care that", "want this", "want that" ... is trivial, and I don't mind running over it with a truck. I can only advise - if someone disagrees, they will discard my advice.
22. "Who is Jerng to advise anyone?" The notion of "who are you" is usually used by people who would assume that "who a person is, affects what they can do", but I don't have this limitation ( on myself ) for the most part ... the notion of "who" is trivial. I simply do what I like. What I am, is a person that does what they like, and I encourage others to do the same - and I discourage others, who tell others not to do it. That is "who" I am. I am the person they are talking to - that is all I care - if they don't want to talk to me, they block me - simple enough. And one day maybe, I will go to jail for talking. That is also ok. It is all in the plan.
23. "Nobody likes laws like Jerng." The law is something written - the interpretation is up to the judiciary - and there are executive operations which are independent of both items above. So we can die by many means of governance. One does not need to be a politician - anyone can be targeted by ordinary governance and end up in jail - that is a fact.
24. "People ask why anyone is friends with Jerng." You know, I find them very cute, right? Because they are the masses that I irritate. It is their loss if they are suffering. I simply bring more suffering, until they block me, or change. It is easy to focus on an agenda, if one does not care who agrees or disagrees with it.
25. "People just thing Jerng is peculiar and likes attention." Well I need to find some sort of entertainment in this life. So that's it. It is better to stick out like a sore thumb, and be a pest, than to put up with common tastes.
26. "Some people like Jerng." Good for them, I hope it makes them happy. I try to ignore them as it distracts me from my objectives ... of being irritating.
27. "Jerng is a source of trauma, and trauma solutions." I leave the appreciation to the audience, I only want the problems - and will go find more problems after solving old ones.
28. "Jerng only calls at night, at his convenience, when he has no other companions." Agreed, I prefer to sleep with a companion - but I have little other interest in people - hence I prefer if companions are self-absorbed also, with similar needs.
29. "Jerng needs to be loved." I'm more oriented to be focused on being ok with being hated. :D So it is incompatible with people focused on being loved. Matter of policy. I don't mind being loved - but it's not policy to prioritise it. For some people, it is. For some people it is not. I am on the nots.
30. "Jerng sells vague promises." I pretty much tell people that I like cuddles and conversation. The details they can find out as they go. 1. Don't over promise. 2. Over deliver. 3. Don't take what wasn't signed for. 1 and 3 go together. Explicit > implicit. It's clearer if you get into details. The world is full of fools who don't do details - I will not play their game. To my advantage? Precisely why they are fools. What is it to me?
31. "Accountability." Attachment is a problem to be solved by the person who is attached. That's my guideline for people. It's quite an ancient concept. The word accountability is thrown around like water - to be accountable for the use of the word, one has to be more detailed about how it is used. See related point 13. If it bugs you, take it to court - that is the standard of accountability.
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