Deconstructing Jealousy : How Polyamorists Function

So, a common pattern among social partners (sexual, or commercial, or otherwise) of various species is, that knowledge of one's partner having another partner, then motivates oneself to react. Whether the reaction is internalised only, or externalised in speech or other behaviour is a trivial point. What I want to draw your attention to, is the language we use to describe these reactions in general.

A negative lens is generally applied by monoamorists, whereby the phrasing is, "jealousy and/or disgust" ... however a positive lens may be applied, whereby the phrasing is, "validation and/or inspiration". Specifically here, "validation" refers to the information that one receives, when oneself is made aware that one's partner is valued by a third-party, to the extent of actualised behaviours between one's partner and the third-party.

Under the negative lens, a fear of loss motivates oneself to reduce one's partner's engagement with the third-party; alternatively, a fear of one's partner may motivate oneself to reduce one's own engagement with one's partner.

e.g.

"I am sad that you are seeing so-and-so."

"You must stop seeing so-and-so."

"I must stop seeing you."

Under the positive lens, a recognition of one's partner's value then motivates oneself to increase one's own engagement with one's partner; alternatively, the recognition of one's partner's other partner's value to oneself, motivates oneself to increase one's partner's engagement with their other partner.

e.g.

"I am happy that you are seeing so-and-so."

"You should develop your relationship with so-and-so."

"You are a more interesting / attractive partner, now than before."

Related : https://sextechandmergers.blogspot.com/2017/10/philosophising-jealousy.html