Nerves. Everyone gets them.
Most people are emotionally regulated via strong cognitive dependencies on compliance with their current society.
"Hermitic athletes" train to reduce those dependencies. This affords us greater degrees of discordant behaviour without triggering emotional disregulation. Nevertheless hermits must retain situational awareness of what society expects, as a matter of risk management. Brinksmanship requires finesse.
You would think that after decades of this, I would stop caring about what people think about me. Unfortunately, my situational awareness is too complete, and I almost never forget what the ordinary person expects, even while I am actively ignoring it, and sometime running it over. Active and not passive ignorance, is the trait of professionalism.
Anyway ... I was just now, learning about the mechanics of some software stack, and as usual ... the absence of social and intrapersonal cognitive support triggered the sensation of fear.
Fear of what? What the hell? Just the next abyss of ten thousand abysses ... every unknown toolchain, every unknown industry, every unmet person, every uneaten meal, every unlived tomorrow, hour, and minute ... anything yet to be done, is a hypothetical, an unknown quantity. Should I not be used to approaching these unknowns already? Maybe this is just an appropriate treatment of curiosity.
I suppose, after, what Freud calls the "super ego", or the awareness of what society expects, is still in good shape here. And when I stop worrying about things, then I suppose, you can legitimately call me insane.
:)
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/student-curates-fear-yangjerng-hwa-mbtgc
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