family therapy

Many parents have expectations upon children. Many children will cooperate if asked nicely, without qualms about telling parents to fuck off if nagged too much. The precise language is warranted, given the gravity of the situation ... no one wants to be nagged, instead of reasoned with. 

delineating : anxious, avoidant, secure

Another imbecilic meme, is the notion of a jointly sufficient ontology, merely from the adjectives : anxious, avoidant, and secure. 

Anxiety (1) : is a motivating state; biologically we might consider it simply as cortisol. However (2), the term is also used to describe externally observable states which are expressions of the inner motivation, though these (1,2) are distinct phenomena.

Avoidance (3) is an example of the latter (2).

Security may be naive (4) or risk mitigating (5).

Security, in the first sense (4), is the opposite of anxiety, in the first sense (1)

Security, in the second sense (5), is the usage captured by the popular framework, and exists only as a tuple (1,6), consisting of (1) and some sort of mitigation (6) against (1).

intelligence x empathy

Whomever came up with the notion that "emotional intelligence" and "empathising with emotional wrecks" are the same thing, ought to be shot.

It is precisely a matter of categorising emotional fragility : as a disability, to be reduced, and not as some bauble of civilisation, to be preserved.

The notion that virtue signalling about justice, empathy, and care, are jointly sufficient virtues, even without economically functional implementations of policy, is no good. It is quite nice to be nice, but this doesn't solve problems for anyone, except those who are offended, by the appearance of trash without regard for the final destination of trash. 

how not to use dating apps

A lady friend said, the quality of men on dating apps is shit. I agreed, but I didn't think it was dating apps, but men in general.

As for dating apps, there's a specific way to use them ... top of funnel, lead generation, factory farming : it's a mining operation, so ore throughput and sifting accuracy are the KPIs.

The absolutely wrong way to use dating apps is to avoid every profile that has even one word on your banlist. If I used dating apps THAT WAY ... it would sound like this ... 

"I am dreaming of ..." nope

"Passionate about ..." nope

"Loves to eat, sleep, and travel ..." nope

"Searching for true lo ..." nope

"Foodie" nope

"Are you my one and ..." nope

"Provider mentality is impo ..." nope

"Sapiosexual ..." nope

"Looking for someone to spoil m ..." nope

"Best friend in ... " nope

"Someone who understands ..." nope

" Chivalrous and ... " nope

And after like, 5 minutes and 180 profiles, I would be terribly fatigued and delete the app because my expectations were too high and I got disappointed based on very superficial noisy data.

The secret to happiness, is lower expectations. High targets are a red flag. Use apps to find apparently interesting people. Go on dates to weed out liars, not to develop feels - that comes later, if candidates are of quality.

food safety regulations

 "OMG they washed and re-used disposable plastic spoons," was featured on Threads today.

• 1. Note, this isn't illegal in Malaysia, as far as I know. ( Correct me! )
• 2. Yes, it's going to generate questionable bodily exposure to chemicals.
• 3. No, it's not entirely clear that this is more dangerous than ... cooking at high temperatures ( e.g. acrylamide & friends ) ... using canned goods ( e.g. BPA and other EDCs ) .... using any made-in-Malaysia packaged foods and personal care products ( which are subject to far laxer banlists than those of say, the state of California ).
• 4. The video of "evidence" showed actually illegal practices : the food services staff was not wearing gloves, an apron, or any hair covering. Their hair was messy, and their jersey-looking t-shirt was not tucked into their pants.

Why do we have broken windows? Because the government decided that this is normal.

corporate duties

ANY corporate work that is done, there should be a DOCUMENT.

• A: already assigned to me
• B : hey, i am doing this for free
• C : i am now assigning this to myself, someone stop me

If you don't, then you are just undermining your own career in a competitive environment.

Context : coaching a friend who is always frustrated at work, due to lack of clarity in work assignment, and lack of reward for work done.

F response classes

F classes of response :

Fight

Flight 

Freeze

Flop

Fawn

Feed

Fap

Fuck

Lagi? nAtuRe iS aMaZIng

a conservative approach to teaching

I have a conservative approach to teaching:

1. Students should expect the worst environment

2. Students should be prepared for contingencies

3. Students can consider ways to improve the environment as a lower priority than 1,2

This is of course, not tasteful to everyone. 

It really doesn't work for people who believe in moral superiority ... they get stuck on disappointment at 1. and have less energy to do 3. because they are avoidant of 2.