2023-10-11 at

Reflections on the language of engagement


(1)

Some promiscuous people are very sensitive. They do hookups because there's a "wall" they set up to avoid emotionally connecting with the randos whom they hookup with. Folks like me are rather INsensitive ... so even our close partners "just feel like most other people" to us.

The language is a bit messy. Sometimes I meet people who want to use the term "FWB" or something like that, because to them it's different from "a real relationship". It can get very annoying for them if I don't follow that language ... even if I'm fundamentally ok with the activities. The fact that "their walled-off hookups" are the same as my "normal relationships" confuses and scares them.

(2)

Related but not the same ... there are folks whose language is "a relationship based on love does not have rules, as it is not a game". For these people, the notion of a "game" is triggering, and they still cherish a romantic notion of non-contractual safety.

Whenever I identify this type of person, I advise them that we should first be friends at arms' length, as their communication styles may not be immediately safe to use when interacting with my own language preferences.

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