I require more fear

Since I started studying crypto in 2022, I've probably seen my fund grow 100% then shrink 50% as many as three or five times. The fact that I don't feel too much about it is probably a bad thing. With more sensitivity to pain, and the aversion of risk, I might be a lot less poor. Haha. Need to engineer into myself a greater fear of loss.

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I am thinking about how to improve this. 

The problem stems from my deprioritisation of concern for the loss of material health, wealth, and respectability ... as my strategic approach to happiness does not depend on the latter.

I may be able to fix this by devoting an hour a day to dwell upon the pain of poverty, even though I am not averse to it by policy. I must make time, to be more fearful. In doing so, I can increase my respectability in society, by acquiring the sorts of wealth that plebs care about.

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Returning to my meditation on reacquiring fear.

In 2012, I thought i had not enough experience losing money, and made a point to take high risks in order to desensitise myself to it. That was a sum, say X.

From 2022 to 2024, I variously lost X/9, X/3, X ... a few times each ... to the point where I stopped caring at each point if the money was there or not.

I think i have to resensitise myself to a threshold value of at least X/9, otherwise I will lack the worldview which is coherent with any normal person.

It is a curious study of value, and how I think about meaningless numbers.

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Working too fast, working too slow.

Wondering if I'm over, or under, the benchmark.

Wondering jf I'm too nasty, or too nice.

Wondering if it's still ok to aim at normality, despite that meaning ignoring a lot of foolish activity that passes for social welfare among plebs.

Summary appraisal : appraisals do not matter.