2024-10-01 at

Dating "Attachment Styles"

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A match asked me to identify myself within the popular framework of "attachment styles". I said, I view myself as Secure, but would generally be viewed by others as Avoidant because I am a fussy shopper. They asked what fussiness has to do with it, so I elaborated.

If you segment the population into quartiles of equal size, then I am probably in the Avoidant quadrant - but then so is everyone who is higher-functioning without social norms. However, the framework does not purport to segment the population by any sort of quantity, because it makes no pretense to social science - the framework is basically a toy language, such as astrology is a fun, non-scientific toy language.

From the point of view of someone who is independent of most social norms, 70-90% of the population is in the Anxious or Disorganised buckets, and would so be too expensive to casually date in a "crutched-coupling". Of the remaining 10-30% who are not so costly to babysit, we would then look at the other dimensions of opportunity cost ... are they sexually, verbally, financially, healthfully, culturally, or otherwise stimulating? Moreover, if they are not too expensive to babysit, and if they are sufficiently stimulating, are they they so performant in these dimensions that you would engage in (a) an exclusive relationship with them, or (b) a long-term contract with them? (Noting that a. and b. are independent variables.)

It's just basic portfolio management ... keep your risks diversified, unless you are willing to blow up your balance sheet. Blowing up smaller balance sheets can be fun, as long as the holding entity's balance sheet, or other mandates remain secure.

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Statistical Addendum : after about five minutes of reflection on what I just wrote, it occurred to me that probably, the general populations of  each quartile are more balanced in size ... but the general population is not very attractive/stimulating on average. 

However, if we stack rank the population by how attractive/stimulating they are, the more attractive/stimulating ranks are also more likely to be Anxious or Avoidant ... probably due to the motivating factors driving individuals to possess attractive/stimulating traits. In short, Secure or Disorganised people are less likely to be attractive/stimulating, because they're also generally lazy or incompetent. Avoidant and Anxious people are more likely to be attractive/stimulating, because they are less happy with their environments. 

This is an old idea, as far as I'm concerned, but I felt it needed to be attached to the initial note, as a point of clarity.

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